So, I LOVE special features of movies. I enjoy watching them almost as much as watching the movie itself. Aaron and I recently watched the 2019 Little Women together. Emma Watson plays the role of Meg, the oldest sister who, through her experiences, chooses a domestic life, married to a poor man who she adores. In the scene before Meg’s wedding, Joe tries to talk her out of it, telling her that the two sisters can run away together, and Meg can become an actress. Meg tells her sister that she wants to marry John, she loves him, and she wants a family. Joe retorts with “you’ll be bored of him in two years!”. Meg then responds with the key line: “Joe, just because my dreams are different than yours, doesn’t mean they’re unimportant.”
In the special features, Emma Watson says that this line is the reason she wanted to play the role of Meg -- Because there is no one way to be a feminist. So today i’m going to tackle an important topic: how women can find empowerment in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and its Priesthood. Yep, we’re doing this people! I find that whenever I discover truth, it is in perspective. So this article is my truth, my perspective, according to my experience. And I hope it will inspire. First, my heart aches for any woman who has ever felt less-than, unappreciated, irrelevant, or under-valued from her experiences in the church, especially those who have been neglected or abused by those “with the priesthood”. I believe if in the presence of your Heavenly Father and Mother, they would wrap you in their arms and tell you just how amazing you are and just how much they need YOU in their work. They would give you perfect love, that leads to perfect healing. My hope is that this blog post can, in some measure, serve that same purpose, helping you to feel empowered, needed, and optimistic for the future. So let’s jump in! Feminism and Patriarchy I consider myself a feminist, but what does that mean? It means I believe women and men have equal inherent value. Their perspectives, contributions, and gifts are equally important for the world. However, I also believe equality doesn’t equate to sameness. This is where I vear from mainstream and extremist feminism that supports the notion that equality for women means sameness with men. I don’t believe God is interested in us all being the same. And I believe men and women were created differently by design, BUT, in God’s eyes, men and women are equally important, valued, needed, and loved, and should be treated thus. Demanding sameness between the sexes breeds competition. Men are not 10 points ahead because they are ordained to the priesthood any more than women are 10 points ahead because their bodies have the natural ability to develop and bear children. Neither sex is more important to humanity. In fact, each is obsolete without the other. Plus, this competitive paradigm puts men and women always in opposition to each other, both trying to prove themselves as equal or superior, thus robbing society of fulfilling, respectful relationships, marriages, and families. Life should not be a competition between the sexes but rather an equal collaboration between the sexes. The Foundation: God’s Work God has a work, his Magnum Opus - to help all of us (his children) become like Him, become like our Savior Jesus Christ. The scripture is Moses 1:39 “For this is my work and My glory, to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” He wants us all to become something. To say it simply, I believe that “something” is to become capable of perfect charity, hope, and faith (and yes, it does take more than a lifetime :)). And I believe this becoming is the way to lasting joy and fulfillment both in this life and hereafter. As part of that work, we make promises with God (covenants) to do our best to love him, serve Him, and love our fellow man. Every commandment points back to these two: loving God and loving our neighbor. And every man and woman who is baptised into the Church of Jesus Christ, makes these same promises with God. The point: The ultimate purpose of every member of the church, whether male or female, is the same - to do their best to become like their Savior, Jesus Christ. Male, female, black, white, rich, poor. Our ultimate purpose, and life work, is the same. Our Distaste for Patriarchy One of the reasons there is so much confusion and dysfunction when it comes to patriarchy stems from people not honoring their covenants to do their best to be like the Savior. Abuse, dominance, prejudice, pride, and so on are all a direct violation of the promises we’ve made with God. Unfortunately, for much of history, these characteristics and actions have also been (and continue to be) dismissed or even justified by patriarchal privilege. Let’s get one message through loud and clear: Any form of dominance, abuse, and even unkindness is not justifiable to God, by neither man nor woman. In fact, my favorite scripture on the priesthood says “no power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile.” That being said, we all know we fall short. God doesn’t demand perfection. But He does demand repentance: coming to Him in every thought and word, allowing His love to heal us, and sharing that healing with others. And He demands this level of devotion from every follower, man or woman. A New Perspective So now, I'm going to ask you to do something hard, REALLY hard. I’m going to ask you to open your mind to an ideal rather than your own experience. Because, that’s what we’re striving for as members of the church. We are striving for perfect unity with God, and that’s a tall order. And are we tripping a lot on the way? Absolutely! But we’re trying to fall forward. In the rest of this article, i’m going to define things in a way that might be new to you. And in doing so, hopefully you’ll be able to see a little better how a woman can thrive in the church if its members could better live the promises we’ve made. Patriarchal Authority: A man’s authority to protect, sustain, and support his family Let’s be honest, when we hear the words “patriarchal authority”, many of us cringe. We think in-charge, dominating, and overbearing. This is NOT what a patriarch should look like. Once again, a true patriarch (just like a true matriarch) should reflect the attributes of our Savior: kind, humble, loving, honest, accountable, and so forth. Patriarchal Authority is not a right, it is a calling. It is the calling for a man to put his family first among all other competing priorities and do everything in his power to protect, sustain, and support them. And although less talked about, Matriarchal Authority serves as the exact same calling for women. This is hard for many of us to picture because we simply weren’t raised by parents who really embodied these definitions. I gotta be honest, I don't even embody these characterisitcs a lot of the time. But that is exactly what the church encourages my husband and I to strive for in our home. And it is our responsibility to stay in tune with our family members to know when and how changes need to be made that help each member thrive. Remember, we're falling forward. The Priesthood - God’s power to accomplish His work. There are SO many questions about priesthood, partly because we don’t take the time to study out our questions with God, and partly because we’re still learning and growing as people and as a church. We DON'T have every answer. And to me, that’s exciting! Because learning means progress. I like to separate The Priesthood into two categories: Priesthood Power and Priesthood Organization. Priesthood Power Priesthood Power: The power God gives each of his children, whether male of female, to help in His work. Unfortunately, for years the importance of priesthood power has been downplayed in the church compared to priesthood organization. Yet without Priesthood Power, we could do nothing in God’s name. In the past few years, world church leaders have been encouraging us, both men and women, to access, embrace, and utilize this power. How do we receive Priesthood Power? Through obedience to the covenants we have made. In short, in being like Christ and serving Him. Every single man and woman has equal access to God’s power. Being a man, or being ordained to the priesthood, does not increase your access to priesthood power above what women can also access. Priesthood power is a function of faith, not sex. We access this power as a mother or father prays earnestly for her/his struggling child, as we sincerely apologize, as married couples share sacred and fulfilling sexual intimacy, as a woman bears a child, as a husband or wife sacrifices to provide for his/her family, as our capabilities are expanded, as we create, as we work to overcome addiction, as we take the holy sacrament, as we participate in ordinances, and as we do anything in a spirit of faith that draws us closer to God. We can access and use Priesthood Power every single day, thanks to our Savior, Jesus Christ. Priesthood Organization The other side of priesthood is the more widely emphasized, priesthood organization. God organizes His work in a specific way. The organization of the church can literally be laid out on a diagram (and it is). Every calling, whether filled by men or women, is equally honorable. A Key Point: EVERY effort of the church exists to strengthen families. We believe that the devil’s work is to destroy families, leaving people lonely, lost, and in despair. And so, it really does take a village. Priesthood Ordination: The call for men to serve others, in specific ways, within God’s work. In the Bible, Christ’s followers are called the Body of Christ. I love this analogy. We are His hands to lift the weak, His back to carry the burdened, His eyes to see the forgotten, and His lips to spread His hope. The key principle is this: without someone to serve, the server is a moot point. The end purpose of priesthood ordination is not the status of the person being ordained. It is the service he performs. Without someone to serve, the priesthood ordination is pointless. When a boy or man is ordained to the priesthood, it is essentially God saying “these are a few specific ways I want you to be my hands in serving your brothers and sisters”. An example: The Sunday Sacrament (or communion) There are many women who feel less-than because they’re not the one administering in this ordinance. Young men who have been ordained to the priesthood prepare, bless, and distribute or “pass” the holy sacrament to the congregation (This is an example of some of the specific ways God has asked them to participate in His work). When taken at face value, it’s easy to see how any woman could feel suppressed in this situation from the perspective of equality being sameness. But let’s take it back to God’s purpose and our covenants. We are all working toward the same things. And those receiving the holy sacrament are participating in this ordinance just as much as those administering. We are all working together to take upon us the name of Christ and renew our baptismal covenants through the sacrament. So for my daughters, I hope they never feel inferior in this situation. Rather, I hope their confidence is exponentially increased as they are ministered to and receive this ordinance, reminding them of the ever present love and power the Savior has for them, both physically and spiritually. And for my son, I hope he never feels superior, setting himself up as the light. Rather, I hope he becomes more humble and filled with love as he ministers to others and focuses outward, feeling the same love and power for him that Christ offers his sisters. I hope they recognize they're both working together, helping each other come closer to Christ. In the church, sometimes we minister, sometimes we are ministered to. But no matter which side, we come closer to the Savior in all of those experiences. Another note: Priesthood ordination requires priesthood power for efficacy. Meaning, a man can do all he wants “through his priesthood”, but if he is not honoring His covenants to follow Christ, God’s power isn’t with him, and his actions have no spiritual effectiveness. Another way to look at it is taking out the trash. Yes, I said taking out the trash. In our home, Aaron takes out the trash every week for the garbage man to pick up. I’ve never been disappointed or felt inferior because I don’t get to do that job. I have plenty to do on my own without also needing to take out the trash. And all we do as a couple, Aaron taking out the trash, me making lunches, him paying bills, me working in the garden, us both folding the laundry, is to create a home together. We are united on the kind of home we want, so we are each a part of all the other person does. I am part of his career, he is part of my homemaking. Different but one. Priesthood Blessings In the church, men ordained to the priesthood can give priesthood blessings of healing and comfort. I’ve been the benefactress of these blessings many times. But what about women? Why don’t they have a chance to give such blessings to others and to their children? We’ve sometimes mistakenly thought that women’s prayers don’t have as much efficacy as a priesthood blessing. But in reality, they do. Christ told his followers that if they had faith the size of a mustard seed, they could move mountains. So why not call down the powers of Heaven through prayer in blessing a sick child or bringing comfort to a struggling neighbor? Neither a priesthood blessing, nor a prayer, is the power to change God’s mind. Rather, they are both specific ways to minister to others. And personally, I am thankful to have SO many tools in our toolbox to open the windows of Heaven in our homes. I sometimes say what we, in our home, call a “blessing prayer” for my husband or our kids. This is a special prayer I offer, with a very specific purpose, exerting more effort than usual to connect with God and feel His spirit. These prayers have many times brought comfort, revelation, blessings, and even miracles into our lives. God is the orchestrator. We are just the instrument. Well, if we as women can use priesthood power to open the windows of Heaven, why even have priesthood blessings? My answer to that question is another question. Do we give our children only one way to cope with their challenges? God gives us multiple ways to cope with our earthly experience and connect with Him. This is the ultimate purpose of EVERYTHING we do in the church. Homemaking I wanted to give a quick minute to being a full-time homemaker. This topic can so easily divide women, each side touting why their way is right. But my perspective is a little different, so I wanted to share. I don’t remain a full-time homemaker based on morality or suppression. Personally, I really don’t like carrying the burden of working out of the home. I don’t like having a boss tell me what to do, have a rigid schedule, or carry the burden of financially supporting our family. Luckily for me, those are all burdens my husband is both willing, and wants to carry. I love the autonomy of being a full-time homemaker. In the past year I was able to write a novel, spend hours in my garden (which feeds my soul), learn to paint, visit friends and family throughout the day, take naps, brush up on my Spanish, and more...without having to feel guilty about it. I love that I get to choose how I use my time, set my own goals, change things up whenever I want to, and spend my days with my favorite people (my kids) who keep me on my toes. Can this be a burden sometimes? Absolutely! There are still meals, the house to clean, schooling to sort out, and at the same time trying to stay united with my husband. We both carry different burdens, but our goal is to be what the scriptures call one flesh, completely united. And I believe the closer we come to that goal, the less room for either of us to feel less-than or suppressed. Our previous prophet’s wife Margerie Hinckley once said of her husband, “he’s always given me wings to fly, and I love him for it.” I feel the same way about Aaron, and I certainly hope he feels the same way about me. A fulfilling marriage is the union of two people who help each other fly. One of the greatest ways Aaron has given me wings is supporting me in my desire and female endowment to bear children. I’ve come to know God more in the 5 years since having children than in all my years before. The True Source of Confidence Contrary to some people’s beliefs within and without the church, there is no one way to be a good woman. God created us differently by design. For too long, women (and many men) have been beating themselves up for not being good enough or not doing it “right”. When we have those feelings, we come upon a crossroads: do we turn to God or turn to other sources? I like to look at self-confidence as a first-hand experience. It’s awesome to hear other people talk about how much God loves you, but there is NOTHING so powerful as feeling it from your Heavenly Parents, directly. Jesus Christ is the only person in the world who knows EXACTLY what you’ve been through - he understands the why behind everything you think, feel, and do. And he’s right there with you. What better person to help you become comfortable in your own skin? When I was a girl, I had a lot of reason to not be confident. I was hyper-sensitive, chubby, teased at home and sometimes at school, and in many ways just wasn’t what the world said I should be. I remember one night, as a child, kneeling down next to my bed and asking “Are you there? Do you know who I am? And do you love me?” I wish I could put the feelings that ensued into the heart of every person who’s ever felt insecure. I was filled. Since that day, I’ve never struggled with a deep sense of self-worth. God knows me, and I matter to Him. So why care what anyone else thinks? This is the confidence God offers each of his children. And my experience looking for confidence from any other source reaches one conclusion: I’ll never be enough. But to God, I am enough. So you hate to cook? You can still be a good woman. So you work out of the home? You can still be a good woman. So you weren’t able to have children? You can still be a good woman. So you screw up a LOT? You can still be a good woman. So you’d rather gnaw your own arm off than sew a dress? I am still a good woman! (Oh, oops, talking to myself right there…) The point being: When we hold ourselves to unrealistic standards and inconsequential characteristics, we lose sight of who we are in God’s eyes. And let me tell you, you’re exquisite. You’re needed. You’re seen. You are good. And you are SO loved! I believe we do much better to focus on principles, not precedent. There is no one, right way to be a good woman, a good mother, a good wife, a good friend. We can be like Christ yet still look very different from one another. It was well said by CS Lewis. “When He [God] talks of their losing their selves, He means only abandoning the clamour of self-will; once they have done that, He really gives them back all their personality, and boasts that when they are wholly His they will be more themselves than ever.” God doesn’t give us a map with every step outlined. I like to look at life as more of a Choose Your Own Adventure. God tells us to learn principles and then seek Him as we find ways to implement those principles. The Changes in the Temple Many people know there have been changes in the temple ceremonies over the years. The wording, the clothing, and even the gestures. Personally, I love this! A dear friend once asked me how I don’t see these changes as a change in doctrine and why they don’t rock my faith. I look at it like this: God’s work and his purpose for His children has never changed. It was the same with ancient Israel as it is today. He wants us to become like Him. And although his work and purpose hasn’t changed, I believe how He accomplishes that work does. He has enough power to adapt his work to every time and culture. This power is what gives efficacy to his invitation for every person everywhere to come unto him. So what of the changes in the temple? Well, God doesn’t change, but culture and society do, and language certainly does. Take this paragraph for instance: Ever wonder why “awesome” means excellent but “awful” means really bad when they both derive from “awe”? In Old English, awe meant “fear, terror or dread.” From its use in reference to God the word came to mean “reverential or respectful fear.” By the mid-1700s, awe came to mean solemn and reverential wonder, tinged with fear, inspired by the sublime in nature—such as thunder or a storm at sea. Originally, awful and awesome were synonymous, but by the early 19th century, awful absorbed the negative aspects of the emotion and the word was used to mean frightful or exceedingly bad. The earliest citation in the Oxford English Dictionary for awesome meaning “marvelous, great; stunning or mind-boggling” is from the Official Preppy Handbook, 1980 (mentalfloss.com). The word naughty used to mean poor. The word nice used to mean ignorant. Sly used to mean wise and skillful. Point being, language changes over time, over generations. So if Webster is allowed revisions, why not God for revisions to the language and ceremonies in the temple? I loved the old language in the temple, because I studied hard to understand what it meant at the time it was put in place. But now I love the new wording in the temple because it fits my time perfectly. The changes were made, so that we can best cut through to the purpose of the temple - to strengthen families and bring us to Christ. We Still Have Room to Grow One of the things I love about the church is that it’s ever changing, progressing, and growing, and we are encouraged to do the same as its members. I hope that in 5 years I look back on this article and appreciate where I was at the time and my perspective, but that I’ve learned even more to bring me closer to God and more able to serve His children. We still have room to grow, and I think that’s thrilling! Here are some ways I think we could grow. We Are the Only Ones Limiting Ourselves Just because there is organization in the church does not mean there are limitations on service. We sometimes take a pass on service either because we weren’t ordained to the priesthood or because we were ordained, and we think that’s where it ends. God doesn’t just want us to check the boxes. He wants our hearts. There are absolutely NO limitations on how much any member of the church (or person in general) can serve. All we need to do is open our eyes to the needs around us and find ways to participate. Sometimes I think in the church we focus too much on what other people’s jobs are instead of discovering and fulfilling our own personal life mission. We decide how willing we are to serve God, know Him, and cling to Him. For Men and Women Alike One - We can’t expect “the church” to do it perfectly. Nor can we expect members of the church to replace our personal and parental influence. No matter what organization, group, activity, or experience, no other person will know the intricate ins and outs of your needs and your children’s needs like you do. We can’t expect that everyone we interact with, whether in the church or not, will influence us and our family in the ways we want. Same goes for friends, media, school, etc. So, as members of the church, we have to allow room for our brothers and sisters in the church to be wrong from time to time. Sometimes that person might even be us, or maybe even a church leader. Develop a strong relationship with your Heavenly Father, so when those times arise, you can lean on true principles and sift through your interactions with others. I have listened to many talks in church, advice from members, and even seen cultural habits that are just plain wrong to me. Staying involved and speaking up, with an open heart to other’s experiences, helps us move forward and leave harmful tendencies, habits, and perspectives behind. Two - Speak up about your burdens of inequality, clinging to God. No person should ever feel ashamed or unsafe to admit they’ve been hurt. We can’t heal until we recognize the hurt. My prayer is that we can come closer to God through that healing process. And in less-severe cases, our offender may not even know they’ve misstepped or hurt us. Oftentimes, people have a different perspective from different experiences, so what hurts you might not hurt them, hence the misunderstandings. There have been a couple of occasions in my church service when I have been treated shovanistically. But each time, when I have spoken up, expected respect, and been open to understanding, my offenders have been very apologetic and changed their behavior. Sometimes people just don't realize. Just as we don’t when we might offend. Three - Don’t judge those who have left the church for experiences of inequality or abuse. I believe each of us is seeking our own truths, and our paths might diverge for a time. But our love and compassion for one another need never diverge. And conversely, don’t judge the women who stay closely connected with the church. Just because we see things differently does not mean that one of us is weak, hard-hearted, willfully ignorant, or faithless. All we need from one another is respect and compassion, not judgement. Especially To Women Women have a place as Proactive, Informed, and Confident participants in God’s work. They have so many amazing gifts and can have such a positive impact on the world when they step up and get involved. This might mean abandoning comfortable habits of passivity or deferment to “the man of the house”. On the other hand, it might mean abandoning dogma of feminine moral superiority, to better respect the men in our lives. It might mean quieting the voices of the world that tell us who and how to be and tuning in to God. It might mean giving up things of a lesser and digging deep. Really, it will take each of us breaking down any walls between us and the love God so desperately wants us to feel. And that will feel AMAZING! I believe God wants men and women both in the thick of it, hand in hand. Especially To Men Many men need to have a paradigm shift. They need to embrace their wives as equal participants in EVERYTHING. Listen more, seek to understand her, and learn what she needs to feel cherished. If ordained to the priesthood, remember that call is first and foremost to benefit your family, with God’s help. Your ordination should increase your willingness to serve, humility, desire to come closer to God, and charity for your family as well as others. God Loves Women For every woman (and man for that matter) who has ever felt demeaned, less-than, suppressed, or unimportant, God wants you to experience healing. If each of us could spend a moment watching our Heavenly Father and Mother together, I think it would shatter years of dogma and shadows that have put men and women on different playing fields. I don’t know it all, but I know that Heavenly Father and Mother love each of us more than we know. In a world of shadows, questions, and smoke and mirrors, I find so much peace and empowerment through the Church of Jesus Christ and the gospel. As a woman, I have access to all of the blessings God has to offer his children. I am able to embrace the fulfillment of motherhood, without shame. I can get an education (and am encouraged to) and develop my talents, intellect, and character in ways that will bless me and the world for generations to come. And I can feel complete confidence in who I am, right here, right now, while also moving forward. May the world be better for each of our influence!
0 Comments
Molly here! It's been quite a while, but I'm so glad Sam encouraged us to take up the blog again and get writing. More than ever, our world needs people spreading the good. So let's jump right in! How would you rate this restaurant?Picture this. You decide to try out a new Italian restaurant. It's evening time, and you're hungry, like REALLY hungry! As you drive to the restaurant, you think about the cuisine and what you might order. More than anything, you visualize the impending culinary experience and the wondrous feeling of being "full". There is an open parking space right up front: Score! A well-groomed young man walks you to your table and seats you with a smile. A moment later a beautiful middle-aged woman wearing a clean black apron approaches your table. You're already thinking through the drink options. As she nears, you can almost smell the bread sticks. Then she stops, looks at you, smiles, and says, "Thank you for coming! You will have the eggplant parmigiana with a Dr. pepper". Then she walks away. WHAT? You don't even like eggplant! What about your options? What about the menu? Review? 1/2 a star...And NO, you're not recommending this place to a friend. There's a menu As ludicrous as this story might seem, we live it every day in our society. As we grow, each day we’re part of some sort of socializing at home, at school, when we turn on the television, when we go to church, when we play with friends, and perhaps most prevalent in out time, when we spend time on social media. Socialization has two meanings, the second of which is “the action or process of causing a person to behave in a way that is acceptable to their society.” Each of us whether consciously or unconsciously, participates in this “socialization” every day. As we allow our experiences to socialize us, and as our interactions with others socializes them. Socialization deems what is “normal” “acceptable”, and “socially or politically correct”...right now. I add the caveat right now, because society shifts, changes, bends, and folds. Yet most of its citizens view current society as right, superior to the past, or when discontent - unalterable. Many of us don’t realize that we have the power to choose how we see the world and what we believe to be true and real. In a society that worships information and seeks for truth, we have become surprisingly uninformed as individuals. We take what we’re served, not even realizing there is a menu. And for me, what I'm served just isn’t enough. And if it's not enough for me, it's certainly not enough for my kids. And maybe it's not enough for you either. Why isn't it enough? Society has done an awesome job for years now at convincing all of us that what we really want is just to be happy. But is that really true? And even more important, is that even real? Can someone really be happy all the time? Of course not. But if we're not shooting for happy, what do we have to shoot for? For me, my deepest desires can boil down to four things: confidence, connection, peace, and growth. And although I could write pages on the different ways society does fall short, today I'm touching on one topic: gender and sexuality. Gender NormsWho would have though generations ago that there could be so much disagreement on the basic principles of sex and gender. But no matter what our predecessors would have thought, this is the hand we’ve been dealt, so we have to move forward eyes wide open. Stereotypes about gender and sexuality buzz through every part of society and media. And do you know what? It’s not enough for me. Girls and FemininitySociety abounds with contradictory and confusing messages about what it means to be a girl. There is a spectrum from mild and meek to ferocious and wild and everywhere in between. On one hand, femininity is inseparably tied to what our family calls “fancy”. Fancy is makeup, fixed hair, high heels, and jewelry. To be feminine is to be decorated, and to be decorated is to be beautiful. But society doesn’t just stop with accessories, they even yell from the rooftops of magazines, sitcoms, movies, and rampant pornography that femininity even demands a particular physical form: lean, long legs, big breasts, pouty lips, and all things sexual. They go even further through empty promises of confidence for a nip here, tuck there, lift everywhere. To remove where there’s too much and add where there’s not enough. Some of these promises are subtle yet others are blatant. From the manipulative nymph to the bare-breasted Aphrodite. Women have been taught for years to use their physical form to gain power and control, publicly and privately. Though in the public eye, the empty promises of self-confidence are more widely pushed. Women are encouraged to flaunt their womanhood, and in the very act, destroy their own self-respect and independent confidence, having to publicly earn what should be intrinsically theirs: worth. And then there’s the whole other side of the spectrum, encouraging women to embrace characteristics and values debase of any person, regardless of gender. Women are encouraged to be controlling and brash masked under the false name of “strong”. They’re encouraged toward sexual promiscuity and wildness, trying to “raise them” to the same level as men, enjoying the same privileges and pleasures that men have always held. And so we’re left with two “equal” parties who have fallen so far below their human potential that neither confidence, nor peace, nor connection can be found. And yet, another lie abounds, the lie that encourages characteristics as kindness, fidelity, and compassion which should create these values as mentioned above, but they only come at the expense of the other sex - men. These lies pose women as a morally superior sex who find confidence in their “goodness” only through embracing a natural divisiveness in men’s character. They accept the lies about masculinity that pose men as naturally and unalterably selfish, sex-driven and dominating. They then embrace their own character as the yin to men’s yang, finding feigned solace in providing balance to the sexes. Our Core potential, regardless of gender or sex If we’re all after the same things: confidence, connection, peace, and opportunities to grow, should we not then be seeking to develop the same characteristics that enable these values, regardless of gender? Both genders receive the message through society that survival of the fittest is alive and well. Our natural impulses need little to no intervention. If it’s natural, it’s normal and it’s acceptable. In many ways, we hold ourselves to a moral code scant higher than our primal cousins. If it tastes good, we eat it. If it feels good, we do it. If it sounds good, we believe it. My question then is this? Where has this gotten us? To a society riddled with obesity and heart disease, alcoholism, pornography, loneliness, fear and general discontent. Might there then be a better way? Humans are creatures. We breathe and move and rely on mother nature for life. But humans possess one ability that sets them miles apart from their animal companions: the space between stimuli and response. Or to say it simply, we possess the ability to choose. Animals are reactionary, apart from the occasional and inspiring outlier, they act and react for their own survival and preservation. Instincts guide them. Humans on the other hand have reason. We are not enslaved to our own senses (unless we allow ourselves to be). We have the ability to ask ourselves and reason within ourselves 1) what do I want in life 2) how do I get there 3) what holds me back and helps me along. And then we choose. It is a beautiful process. It is the process of progress, healing, and creation. Society, in large part however, feeds the beast. Boys and masculinity Our boys have it just as hard as our girls. From the time they’re in the cradle, they’re barraged with polarizing messages of what it means to be a man. I had a good friend whose husband would tell their toddler son to “not cry and be a man.” We put loud machines and weapons in their hands from the time they can walk. And then we say their aggression is natural. After all boys will be boys. (Which gives me more angst than hearing the F Bomb.) Being a new mother of a boy myself, holding that precious little baby in my arms, I can tell you for certain, society's norms aren't enough for him to thrive. They aren't enough to give him confidence, connection, peace, and growth. Boys are raised to be strong, muscular, competitive and tough. They worship sports (just like their dads), and abrasive, independent, and cavalier is just a “guy thing”. This is what society has given our boys as “normal”. And if they don’t measure up to these stereotypes, society provides a load of names to call them like wuss, sissy, pansy, wimp, baby, and even gay. Not to mention the negative comparisons to females that further lengthen the divide of mutual respect. Confidence is inseparably connected with competition for boys. Unlike girls, who can cling to their distorted belief of moral superiority, boys aren’t allowed to find confidence in their own goodness, only in domination, whether in sports, academics, a skewed view of patriarchal authority, and so on. They compare their muscles, their physical abilities, their penises. And society continues to tell them that’s normal, that’s okay, that’s going to get them all they want in life. Not only that, but society has also told them that’s all they should want in life. All a man needs is domination in the workplace, enough sex, and the game on, and that’s the life. Society says there IS no more. I mean, they’re really not emotionally integrated anyways, right? So what do our boys do when they need to cry? When they want meaningful connection? When the weight of the world is just a bit too heavy for this tough guy? They hide it. They turn to socially acceptable avenues for counterfeit connection such as pornography and masturbation. Or they decide they’re too different, they can’t be a boy, there must be something wrong with them, or they must be gay. breaking the mold I’m blessed to be married to a tender man, a man who really feels deeply. In part because he was born that way, and in part because he was blessed with parents who didn’t try to toughen him up. They taught him resilience and confidence in who he was - that tenderness and emotions aren’t just for girls. One of my favorite stories happened during his older grade school years. He came home from school upset because the boys in his class were being disrespectful to the girls and talking to them like they weren’t strong and were weak. This bothered his little boy heart. His mom listened to him, complimented his sensitivity, and told him this: real men respect women and you can just tell those boys that the strongest muscle in the entire human body is the uterus, and only women have those! Golden! What advice for a little boy learning what it means to be a man! In all the time I’ve known him, I’ve never heard him say anything demeaning to or about a woman in seriousness or jest. And I love him for that. My husband hates societies' polarized stereotypes of masculinity as much as I do. He hates knowing that because he’s a man, people assume things about him that simply aren’t true, that he’s sex-focused, into sports, and is okay with jokes or communication that objectifies or degrades women. And you know what, he’s not the only man who feels this way. Our men, just like our boys, need to know that it’s okay and natural to feel emotion, and not just the "testosterone emotions". Remember, we’re all wanting the same things: confidence, connection, peace, and growth. And if we don’t, society will be happy to step in and help us settle for less. So where do we go from here? I’m not inferring that there are no differences in men and women. I’ve been married to a man long enough to realize that’s not the case. But I am saying the differences aren’t as stark as society tells us. As society tries to help people "belong", really just more boxes are being created for people to fit into. Well boxes still close us off from each other. We want confidence. We want connection. We want peace. And we want growth. In fact, we don't just want them, we need them, deeply. The characteristics necessary for these attributes are the same for both men and women, even if their application might look a little different. Each of us, regardless of gender, needs to develop the necessary characteristics to embody these values. Remember, 1+1=2? Well that’s true no matter your gender. Truth + Action = Confidence, Vulnerability + Kindness = Connection, Hope + Diligence = Peace, and Humility + Effort = Growth, regardless of your chromosomes. I hope we can all stretch ourselves to make changes that help develop these attributes, for our selves and other. And as we do, we'll realize the spectrum for belonging is much wider than we thought. Journal Entry from 11/17/20 (the week before Thanksgiving): I knew this day would come, but I wasn’t sure when. I was hoping she’d at least wait until she was a teenager and could prepare all of her own food three times a day. But, nope. She’s determined. Charlotte has decided that in honor of all of the animals in the world, she is forsaking meat! (Apparently the fact that we live in Texas, and barbecue restaurants and beef ranches abound is inconsequential to her.) How did this come about you ask? Last night while getting ready for bed she saw a dead fly in the bathroom. According to Charlotte, it broke her heart, and then made her think of the purpose of life, and how it’s not fair that we kill animals for our gain. This girl has passion. She cried for a good long while about it. And then told me a story about a little girl who apparently saved Thanksgiving by writing a letter to the President. That Thanksgiving, they didn’t eat Turkey. (I didn’t have the heart to tell her that they likely ate some other form of meat as the main entrée.) I wasn’t really sure what to do about this debacle. I’ve done the vegan thing before, and realized it’s not for me. I like to eat meat, eggs, dairy, and I also really like to eat turkey on Thanksgiving. But, just like I have learned to listen to myself to solve problems, I am practicing instilling that same gift in my children. I asked her what SHE wanted to do about it. “Can we write a letter to the President, and maybe the new guy President? And the guy who will be the President if the President dies? And all the congressmen and women? And we should write letters to all of the governors too!” This kid was on a roll. I explained to her that we could definitely write letters to the President and Vice President, to the Texas state Governor, and to our town’s Mayor. This satisfied her. Then I asked, “So, what’s your plan for Thanksgiving then? What do you propose we eat?” She was very thoughtful and then replied, “PIZZA! We will have pizza!” Sometimes, it’s just better not to argue. So I kissed her and reassured her that I would have the addresses ready when she got home from school. Today: For the record, she couldn’t resist the bacon the next morning so she gave up her resolve to become vegetarian. We didn’t write letters. And, we enjoyed turkey on Thanksgiving. You know, there are a hundred different ways to handle a situation like this. And no one way is "the right way". When my kids were younger, I was ill-equipped to deal with them with very much patience. I knew antics like this were most likely a phase, and I didn’t have the tools to see the phase through gracefully. I would say things like, “Get over it!” or “I’m not doing that!” or “I don’t have the energy to deal with this right now!” All of these things were true, but it didn’t validate their experience. Now that my kids are a little bit older, and more independent, I have more mental and emotional bandwidth, and I am able to see the lessons that are learned as they challenge their culture and discover their truth. Do I think that whether or not Charlotte eats meat (no matter how brief or drawn out this phase is) will greatly impact her life? No. But, I know that how I react when she poses a concern that challenges the social norm, will. She will remember if I made her feel safe, understood, loved, and supported. She will remember whether or not she felt “seen”. We all want to be seen and heard. And, if you have a spirited child like I do, they seem to challenge your ability to see and hear them in very creative ways. My son, Finn, feels seen if I let him tell me how his day was and I snuggle him. Charlotte likes to come up with elaborate schemes, or she questions the societal constructs that we live by. This wasn’t a learned behavior. She has always been this way. Two children, same parents, and yet such different ways of expressing and feeling love. I can tell you, it is much more energy to seek to understand, validate, and connect with Charlotte. But the bond that we create, and the confidence she gains each time she is heard and understood is priceless to me. If you consider the lessons taught by spiritual leaders from all religions throughout history, one thing that they have in common is that they saw people as individuals. They didn’t lump them together or condemn them for their differences. They saw them as living, divine souls, each with a gift or purpose to share with the world. I think that as we practice seeing others as individuals--really seeing them without judgement--we will begin to restore our faith in humanity. Nobody wants to be a stereotype. Stereotypes have a pre-written story complete with a predictable ending. We can all make our own story, change our ending, and we should extend that courtesy to all of humanity. I’m not saying that we need to seek to understand or give empathy to people or relationships that are toxic in our lives. I strongly recommend putting mental, emotional, and physical health and safety as your highest priority. But, as I look around and see the cynicism that abounds, I am saddened that many of us are choosing to live unhappy, lonely lives because we focus on our differences rather than what we have in common. We have one life to live. Let’s choose to “see” our families. Choose to “see” our co-workers. Choose to “see” our neighbors. If you have difficulty finding common ground, set your ego aside and say, “tell me more”. Brené Brown says that it’s impossible to hate someone up close. When you really see someone, you develop empathy and compassion. You begin to imagine what they must feel, and then you are free of judgment. I have decided to begin a book club come the new year to help us connect with our Spread the Good Community. Weekly, I will pose a discussion question about the reading, and what we will be reading for the following week (it will be something manageable, just a couple of chapters). I want to kick start it with Leadership and Self-Deception by the Arbinger Institute. (You can order it here) Look for a post about it on Instagram @go.spread.the.good I wish you all a wonderful holiday season with your loved ones near and far. I hope that you are reminded of what you are grateful for, bask in it, and spread the good! I don't know about y'all, but I won't be one bit sad when this year is over! I spent a lot of this past week sulking to myself. We ended up choosing not to send the kids back to in-person school, and did virtual learning last week and will continue with it until at least the end of the semester. When we decided this, I had an internal (Aaron may protest that it was sometimes external) pity party. I was feeling like we had just reached a new normal that was working for us. The kids were loving school, I had found a rhythm at home and everyone was thriving. Now, we are back to dirty looks, rolled eyes, me being made very aware of the fact that I have little patience and few skills in my arsenal to teach second-grade math. (JUST LINE UP THE DANG NUMBERS AND ADD THE ONES AND THEN THE TENS, KID! DO NOT! I REPEAT, DO NOT BREAK IT DOWN INTO MULTIPLE DIGITS BY PLACE VALUE! <Does anyone else have this conversation with their kids?>) I was feeling it so strong, that my snarky, sarcastic self decided to make these as holiday gifts for our neighbors. Yes, it is a roll of toilet paper, and the tags say, "We wish you a Merry Christmas and a less crappy New Year. Love, The Burch Family". (But seriously, these are both adorable and hilarious, right?) This morning I laid in bed and thought about what my hopes are for this week. Anyone who knows me knows that I adore my children. I genuinely love hanging out with them because I think that they're really cool little humans. They teach me so much, and continually change my perspective and my perception of what is around me. They have ideas and thoughts and dreams, and when I'm not stressed about things in the periphery I love being invited onto the ride with them. I realized that most of the things that I have been worried about aren't even real yet...and may not even become real. I realized that all of the things that made me not enjoy last week are things that didn't even happen. Yes, my kids gave some attitude, but school went fine. They completed what they needed to, and we had time to do some fun activities as well. I have come up with a short list of things to help us enjoy the next two weeks, rather than trudging through ominously. If you are having difficulty finding joy in the day-to-day, I hope that these will help you as well. 1. Start the day centered. 2. Have something to look forward to every day. 3. Distinguish FACT from FICTION. 4. Set a time-limit on work. 5. LET GO! Start the day centered. I know that my days go smoother when I begin with some time centering myself. This could be through stretching, deep breathing, meditation, working out, or even sitting on the patio with a cup of coffee. It helps me to set my intention for the day, to clear my mind, and to remember to let go of things that are out of my control. (Also, if you don't follow @harmony.health.and.wellness on Instagram, she is doing a free 31 day wellness challenge that has been really helpful for me this past week.) Have something to look forward to every day. I think that what makes "adulting" so disappointing is that it's not very fun. We work, we check of lists of things that we have to do, but don't want to do, and we fail to make time to see the beautiful things all around us. Today, the kids and I are looking at the calendar and writing something on each day that we want to do. It can be as simple as making a fort in the living room and watching a movie together, mailing Christmas cards to cousins, or driving around and looking at Christmas lights. Anything that connects us to what we value is perfect! Distinguish FACT from FICTION. If you are someone who has anxiety, this is an important one. When you have a worrisome thought creep in, look at it and say, "is this even true?" In my case, most of the time it isn't. I worry about things that may or may not be true, but they're usually things in the future. I do not have control over the future, so it's best for me to call myself out on the BS, and tell my negative thoughts to take a hike. Set a time-limit on work. This goes back to number 2. We cannot find joy in our lives when we are constantly working. (I mean both paid and unpaid work). We must make time for play and rest because both things invigorate us. LET GO of the things that aren't important. This past week my kids made salt dough ornaments. It was a three-day affair. One day for making and baking. One day for painting, and one day for adding string and ribbon. I had visions of these gorgeous white, professional, pinterest-grade ornaments. And then my kids got involved. To say they weren't Etsy-level would be the understatement of the century. I could quickly see that they were going to look less like Pottery Barn, and more like a 6 and 8 year old made them. (Go figure.) As the ornament production evolved I could see how much they were enjoying the process. They were proud of their work. And as I looked at the finished product, my heart swelled with love my children and their creativity. I could think of many many more things to add to this list that would be beneficial for my body, mind and relationships. But, if you read my post last week you'll know that I try not to make to-do lists. The purpose of this isn't to have things to check off as much as it is to remember what is most important. Take time to laugh. Don't take life so seriously. One of my favorite songs is "the heart of life" by John Mayer. It's so so good! If you've never heard it, you can give it a listen here. www.youtube.com/watch?v=AsAzxYW_ZGk "Pain throws your heart to the ground. Love turns the whole thing around. No, it won't all go the way it should But, I know the heart of life is good." I hope that you can find ways to enjoy this good, beautiful life. You only get one, so choose joy and spread the good! From Sam... Sometimes my dog will go outside and race back and forth across the yard. He isn’t chasing anything. He just runs and runs and runs. And then he comes to the back door, taps the glass with his paw, we let him in, he gets a drink, and then lays on the living room floor. I’ve observed this a lot over the past year he’s been a member of our family, and have been amazed at how he knows what his body needs. He feels a burst of energy, or the need for exercise, and he runs around and lets it out. Have you ever noticed that in the winter you crave heavier, comfort food, and you feel sleepier earlier in the day? Have you ever noticed that in the summer time you feel more vibrant and active, but then mid afternoon (during the hottest part of the day) you feel sleepy like you could use a siesta? Did it ever occur to you that like other mammals in the animal kingdom, these aren’t just urges but biological needs? If you look at other mammals, many spend the fall eating more nutrient-dense foods so that they can put on brown fat which will help insulate them in winter when food is scarce. Many animals hibernate, so this brown fat is essential for survival. During the warmer season, animals usually rest in shade, in burrows, or caves because the sun makes it too difficult for them to be active or to hunt without becoming dehydrated. Animals do not ignore their instincts because their instincts protect them. Honoring their instincts is essential for survival. If you look at history and think about the evolution of the human body, humans have honored these urges—especially in less developed countries. In central and south America people siesta. In fact, when I stayed with friends in Brazil, their father came home from work and children and adults came home from school for lunch daily. We ate a large lunch which usually lasted about 1-2 hours, and then we relaxed until it was time to return to work, school, or university. When I was in college I took a culture and gender psychology class. The professor had done extensive research with indigenous peoples living out in the bush in Africa. They didn’t have any clocks so they went to bed when they were tired, and woke when they were rested. They didn’t have a desk to be in a 8am, so they ate when they were hungry, and stopped eating when they were full. In good weather, people would sit outside and children would play outside. During the cold and hottest months, people conserved energy by staying inside. They listened to their bodies! When did we become so obsessed with productivity that we forgot to listen to our most primal instincts? Who benefits from the rat-race that we find ourselves in day after day? And when did we adopt the belief that productivity equals goodness? And worse, when did we internalize that self-care equals laziness? For a very long time, I have been a list-maker. I love the feeling of checking things off that list. To end the day and have every item checked off feels like heaven. The more things I check off, the more “good” I am. The more elaborate my list, the greater challenge, the greater personal reward. What started as a way to stay organized became the measuring stick for how much value I had as a person. Then, I had my second child.
I was in the throws of postpartum depression, I had a toddler, I was teaching University courses part time, and my husband was in his second year of medical school. The more days that went by without that list being completed the more depressed I felt. The more depressed I felt, the less productive I was. And the less productive I was, the less value I felt I had in this world. And so the depression cycle continued… I have a dear friend who recently posted on social media a picture of a “to-do” list her son had written. When she asked him what the first item was he replied, “write to-do list”. It made me laugh, and it brought me back to the memory of my lists. Over time, as I went to counseling, my lists changed a lot. My deep-seeded belief that my value was somehow tied up in what I can accomplish still existed so I had to create a way to have both. I began writing things on my list like, “take a shower”, “exercise”, “read to my kids”, “eat”, “love them”, etc. Sometimes, if I wanted to take a nap while my kids slept, I’d even add that to the list just so I could cross it off afterward. Now, I rarely make lists because I have learned that my value isn’t equal to what I can accomplish. I have also learned to listen to my body more. Sometimes it’s very easy to fall back into my old ways. I may get up and go into the kitchen for a snack, see ten things that need to be picked up, and before I know it I’ve been cleaning for 40 minutes, and am still hungry for that snack. I have had to develop a certain degree of tunnel vision in order to avoid this. I intentionally focus only on what I got up to do. My therapist calls it mindfulness, which sounds nice. But whether it’s mindfulness, tunnel vision, or something else altogether, I have found that hyper focusing on my needs helps me to listen to what I need rather than what I think I should do. Dave Hollis posted this on his FB today, and I felt that it went perfectly with my thought this morning. “Ships don’t sink because of the water around them. Ships sink from the water that gets in them. Fortify your defenses: -Set and keep boundaries. -Audit what you consume. -Search for gratitude and hope. Don’t let what’s happening around you get inside and take you under.” I don’t have difficulty setting boundaries with others. I have had to learn how to set and keep boundaries with myself. When that inner judge creeps in and tells me mistruths, I have to shut it down. If my body is telling me something, I listen. If I look around and feel overwhelmed, I try to think about what I have and how blessed I am. When I begin to compare myself to others, I take Facebook and Instagram off my phone for a bit. Self care isn’t something for weak people. It’s how we keep water out of our ship. We cannot do for others if we ourselves are drowning. Take care of yourselves. Remember that you are loved. Ignore the judge inside of your head. Spread the good! From Sam... When was the last time that you did something that you enjoy? No, not "enjoy" like binge-watching Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. I mean, something you love so much that it feeds your soul. Something that makes you feel inspired. Something that is yours. Something that is for no one else. Something that makes you feel alive inside. I would be surprised if most of you can think of something that fits that description, never mind remembering the last time you did it. Want to know how I know? Because that was me! People used to ask me what I liked to do…like, for fun. Besides my parental, marital, work and household responsibilities I couldn’t think of much. I’d say things like, "I help at their school", or “I like working out” or, “I used to like to read”. Really? That was the best I could do? My life had been reduced to the martyr who did everything for her family and in her spare time exercised and lamented on how she USED TO read? When did motherhood equate to martyrdom? When did being a responsible adult translate to being a slave to nothingness? You see that picture? That is my daughter, Charlotte. It was taken this summer right around her 8th birthday. If you ask her what she enjoys she can give you an entire list. She hasn’t yet learned the rules about growing up that mean that you can’t live for yourself. No. Charlotte belongs to herself. She is confident. She is wild. She sees and creates beauty. And her passions are independent of what others think of her. I’ve always admired that in her.
A couple of weeks ago, we decided to send the kids to school. Virtual learning was becoming a huge strain on our (mine and the kids) relationships (and how the heck am I supposed to teach my kids math these days???). The days leading up to it she was filled with so much anxiety. What if I don’t like it? What if people don’t like me? What if the school catches on fire? What if I get sent to the principals office? What if something bad happens? What if I get an F? What if kids are mean to me? What if…what if…what if… It was exhausting! And even more so, it was tragic to watch my baby girl acknowledge that the world is scary and sometimes cruel. I wanted to wrap her up in a warm cocoon, and promise that I would protect her forever and she would never have to do anything hard ever again. But, I am a firm believer in building resilience because it is the only way to make it through this scary, cruel world. It’s also the only way to find the beauty and the joy. I knew that she needed to believe that she was capable, and the only way for her to know that was for me to express my faith in her. We talked a lot about courage, and how every time we face a fear our courage grows. I also had to admit that we cannot always avoid bad things. We can’t control bullies, or tornadoes, or whether or not the roof might cave in, but we can look to our helpers to help us navigate. My sister, Emma, says that there’s really no such thing as a “grown-up”. That it’s something that we say so that we can demand respect from younger people. At first I thought that she was crazy, and then she explained it to me. She says that like children, adults are afraid of things. We just hide it. Like children, we have things that make us excited and thrilled, but we suppress it. Like children, we don’t know what is going on or what to do most of the time, but we fake it. I think she’s right. In her book, Braving the Wilderness, Brené Brown talks about how children aren’t afraid to be vulnerable. They express excitement and happiness, and even sadness and grief, openly. They have little inhibition when expressing their emotions because we, as humans, are wired for connection, and being vulnerable is the best way to connect with another human-being. Tweens and adolescents are the most uncomfortable with expressing vulnerability because they are more concerned with “fitting in” than “belonging”. In Glennon Doyle’s book, Untamed, she tells her daughter to never lie to make a friend, because then you never have to lie to keep them. I think that as we grow, we often lie to ourselves because fitting in is easier than truly connecting. And connecting with ourselves is often terrifying. I spent the weekend with all four of my siblings, my parents, and my maternal grandparents celebrating my dad’s retirement. (Talk about a baptism of connection and belonging!) One evening we were circled around the piano playing songs and singing. My sister started playing “Wagon Wheel”, and my 5 year old niece exclaimed that it was her favorite, stepped on top of the ottoman, and belted that song at the top of her lungs--dance moves included. As I watched her swallowed up in the music, dancing, stomping, bellowing the lyrics, I began to cry. There is something precious about someone who feels so deeply and isn’t afraid to show it. I also felt sad that recently I have seen signs that my own daughter is losing touch with herself, and also fear that she will lose her sense of belonging and replace it with fitting in. While I don’t have the blue prints for raising confident, self-assured children, I do believe that they cannot learn it without seeing it modeled. They have to see parents who connect with themselves and others. This means, they need to see parents who are vulnerable in pain and happiness. No, I’m not saying you need to share your innermost grief with the barista at Starbucks, or that you need to join a flashmob club. Both of those things sound like torture to me! But, it does involve modeling connecting with people. Looking at them in the eyes when you say “hello”. Rather than stewing about your spouse not doing the dishes, tell him the deep, underlying emotions (“I feel resentful because it makes me feel unappreciated and unloved”). It also involves doing things that feed your soul. What do you feel compelled to do right now? DO IT! I get it! It’s really hard! But do you think that Charlotte gave two craps about what someone thought about her over the top beach get-up, her fan, her watermelon pool float, or her lady bug umbrella? Do you think my niece ever considered that anyone was watching her sing and dance? NO! Because they belong to themselves! Since things began shutting down in March due to Covid-19, I have tried to find what feeds my soul. I began painting. I tried embroidery. I became obsessed with everything coffee (beans, regions, climate, brew methods, etc.). I have made over 40 loaves of sourdough bread in various forms. I began reading more. I began resting more. And now, with 4 loads of laundry ready to be folded, I am sitting on my couch with a blanket, cup of tea, my dog, Christmas on Alexa, and I am writing. We cannot pour love out into this world if our cups are empty. I still have so much to learn from these little people I’m blessed to have in my life. But I will continue to strive for vulnerability so that I too can belong to myself. And in turn, I will spread the good! |
who we areSpread the Good: Three sisters embracing the human experience, ups and downs included, inviting others to join the celebration.
AuthorsThree sisters, three years apart, three words: Spread the Good Archives
January 2021
Check Out Molly's Book! |